Buying and Selling Friendship

“Electronic communication is an instantaneous and illusory contact that creates a sense of intimacy without the emotional investment that leads to close friendships.” – Clifford Stoll, Silicon Snake Oil

It’s not enough that so many relationships at work, at home and at play are disintegrating, losing their connectivity, intimacy and depth of likability. Now folks have the opportunity to create new relationships, poof!, by buying and selling “friendship.” uSocial, an Australian marketing company will save you the time and trouble of creating friendships by “buying” you a few thousand friends and buddies. If you’re feeling friendship-deficient, uSocial will help you “buy” friends by the thousand on Facebook for a mere $200 per thousand! So, need to feel like a somebody by being the friend of someone who’s popular, or need to have someone like you, or have no friends, just ante up! Money talks and it says: “buy or sell your friendship!”

What if I don’t have $200?

While many may scoff at the superficiality and inanity of actually buying or selling “friendship,” many of us actually do “trade” for friendship, albeit not with money. How so?

Self-sacrificing for friendship

One way many folks cultivate friendship is by doing-doing-doing for others in the hopes of buying their acceptance and approval – their friendship. Even committed and married couples do this with one another. We do this at work with colleagues and bosses, at home with partners, spouses, children and parents, and in the outside world with neighbors and others. We sacrifice our own self, our integrity, our time, even our hopes and dreams to please others so we can feel accepted, loved and “be their friend.”

In addition, many even sacrifice their life force so they can be accepted by someone whose “friendship” they feel they desperately need. They’ll shun relating to particular co-workers, or bosses, or relatives, for example, in order to be accepted by someone else whose friendship they sorely feel they need. Specific ways people sacrifice their life for others are: putting their plans on hold, doing for others, or owing someone something, out of shame, deferring from making important choices and decisions without first asking their “friend,” feeling guilty when making a decision that their “friend” disagrees with, constantly seeking approval, and being in a co-dependent relationship.

Controlling others to garner friendship

One of the most insidious behavior patterns that folks use to “buy” friendship is that of controlling others. For example, do you ever act like a victim, feign an emotional or physical illness, or helplessness so a “friend” will save you or work to “heal” you? Do you ever overtly or covertly threaten to withhold or withdraw your friendship if a “friend” doesn’t “do something?” Do you ever say “It’s your turn” to take care of you? Do you feel you need a “friend” to consistently complete your activities or tasks because you’re too stressed, anxious or overwhelmed? Do you offer friendship as a “reward” your friend earns for doing what you want someone to do for you? On a deeper, abusive level, do you threaten a friend with your own self-destruction to keep their friendship? Do you try to game others’ friendship by telling them how essential they are to your life?

Accommodating

Probably the most unconscious and unhealthy way folks seek to gain and keep friends is through accommodating, i.e., doing whatever it takes to please another in order to gain or keep their friendship. We accommodate when we tell others what we think they want to hear, do for others what they want even though such actions or activities might go against our values or moral code. Accommodating is the most common way folks buy another’s friendship, short of paying outright for it, and sometimes we’ll actually foot the bill and actually pay whatever it takes to make or keep a friendship.

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